No need for periods

Repeat offender. See here for his original run on message about how his baby mama would give him two thumbs up.


"ok lol I know I message'd u before but it sucks cuz u are at the top of my list to message as a match and your so beautiful to me I do wish you wanted to chat lol I'm a geek I know"

;)

Insulting their way into our hearts

So this post includes an interaction between another friend of mine, who does online dating in another city and some dude, that she gave me permission to post. The green is the dude.

Telling someone to be more unique is a great way to build rapport

Story Number two comes from moi, but has a similar tone. Right off the bat I noticed kind of a pretentious tone - kind of talking about things in a braggy way but I figured it could have just been the way I was reading his messages so I kept chatting with him. The back story is that I mention my massive amount of first cousins and the fact that I'm thinking of investing in a claw grabber with various attachments such as lobster pincer, in my profile.

Dayum, watch out ladies, mareen byoligist in da house

Then he goes on to tell me he has over 100 cousins and I say "first cousins?" and he says "no, 8 first cousins". So I say "fuck you and fuck your 8 cousins, I'm out." (but not actually...I just stopped answering and then he proceeded to view my profile about 10 times over the next few days. Probably while crying.)

Persistence is key

So this guy is from Israel. Some people have listed on their profile that they are open to long-distance penpals. I have that I'm only looking for people nearby, because I'm actually looking to date. 

Hmm... okay getting a bit annoyed but fair enough

For some reason this irritated me an insane amount, like what the fuck, go away!!



Apparently the thing that people notice about him first is: "That I am so cute and sexy and fun to be with and around."

Yeah okay than...

An OkCupid Update...

The quality on this site is about 79,857 times better than POF, which is interesting because they're both free sites. I think it might be because POF is the more popular site here and also just gives one big text box to fill out as a profile whereas OkCupid profiles require a bit more work to fill out.

This site seems to attract more of an educated crowd and the messages are a bit more thought out. So the messages haven't been TOO bad. But there's always gunna be a few...



So the back story to this one is that I fully recognized this guy from previous times I had been online. He had messaged me at LEAST twice and I interacted with him a bit each time but I'm not sure if he ever pieced together that we'd already talked. I remembered that he seemed nice enough but desperate (aka I wasn't interested). So in the spirit of trying to be open-minded, I exchanged a few messages with him when he messaged me yet again this time. I quickly became uninterested.

Yea, I plan to win $1,000,000. Not really sure how I'm gunna do that yet but it's my dream

A few messages later, discussing what we're "looking for":

Refrain from making a comment about moaning. Refrain from making a comment about moaning.

And with that, our love was lost. I expect to hear from him again in 3-4 weeks.

Conversations with an important engineer/psychopath

So this is an instant messaging...I hesitate to say conversation...I had the other night on OkCupid. He was potentially on drugs and/or a serial killer.

Blue=him, pink=me.

sidenote: the "change in your income" line is him not me, but I'm too lazy to go back and change the color

What about me, what? That's not even a question.

I'm not really sure why I even kept responding but this is just further proof of why you should never attempt to be nice to anyone, ever. For the record, his profile is still the same as before, saying he's a recent grad and unemployed.

;)

Bleached mullet returns

OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHA I just found yet another message from that bleached mullet dude while going through my old instant messages. See here for the original post on that story.

Speechless.

Plenty of Fish is ruining my life.

Alrightie... it's been forever since I posted so this will probably take a few posts to update everyone on all the AMAZING messages I've received from all my future husbands out there.

Here is my future. I am the little boy in the yellow trunks.

Plenty of Fish has been a complete piece of shit so far. I signed back up (or well unhid my profile) thinking "why not, it couldn't hurt". I figured it would be mostly crappy messages but I'd met a few guys on that site in the past and if anything, it would help generate some more fucked up things to blog about. So for this post I will focus on POF which should be called plenty of fucking losers...

I've had my suspicions for awhile that roughly 89% of the people in this world do not know how to spell or use proper grammar. Some of the messages I've received so far have proved this theory and left me wondering if maybe English isn't their first language. I don't claim to be a writer but this is bad... real bad.

Cuddle up children it's story time. Some general notes about the messages.

1. One of the first things I notice is that no man enjoys sending a message longer than 4-5 words. Literally almost every message says some variation of "Hey, how's it going?". Some actually just say "hi". Some add the words beautiful/pretty/cute. I added to my profile that I won't respond to those kind of messages and do you think they stopped... NOPE. Further proof that they are clearly not even reading my profile but upon seeing titties get sent into a frenzy where they can only come up with a 5 word message. Thinking is tough.
2. Punctuation is also supa tough. One paragraph, zero periods. Pretty standard. 

So I'm not sure how much detail people want to hear but here are a couple of gems. The following have literally been copy and pasted:

• "I see u caught a black capped chickitty... can't spell btw haha. Reason why I say is because I actually caught one before too.. it just came right up and landed on my arm and stared me down for a good 30 seconds... different experience" uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum. See the picture he is referring to below. The caption on my picture says chickadee so he could have just, yano, used that spelling. Also apparently he was shaken to the core by his "different experience" with a chickadee. Sorry to hear about that?

• Backstory: I didn't answer his previous message. "no worries don t be scared i ll wait for halloween to get out of my coffin and come for a bit a vampire i m lol.Any plan for halloween by the way ?" I don't respond. A few days later "can i feed out of your hands too?" Men.

• "Hey my name is andrew would. you like to chat." No. Sometimes not enough punctuation and sometimes too much.

• "Wow, from Cape Breton? Really? You don't look like a typical Caper girl..." not sure how to take this. I ask him what a typical caper girl looks like. He never responds.

• "you are very pretty.I like your pretty eye's.  can I take you out for a beer & wings sometime. Im Clint do you text. 902-xxx-xxxx" This guy doesn't fuck around or waste time. As tempted as it was to text him after he woo'ed me so hard, I resisted. 

• Not really that funny but "Hey how was your summer?" What? Do I know you?

• "Hey how are you today I liked what I read in your profile an just wanted to know if you wanted to chat please reply" PLEASE REPLYYYYYYYYYY.

• "Hey .. You + Keiths Brewery = My Heavon. :P" Your spelling = my own personal hell

• "Hi, How are you doing? you look great  are you free to chat or go out" This man claims to be 34 on his profile. I'm fairly certain he's showing signs of osteoporosis in his photo.

;)



Out of about 50 messages that I've received so far, these are some of the only ones that say more than the "Hi what's up" thing that I talked about above. Doesn't this make you want to sign up for POF?